Doubting myself that I can do this half in September. I get out and run and as I am running my mind also runs. I hear this voice that says why are you doing this you will never be able to run 13.1 miles. Kathy your setting yourself up for failure just quit now. That voice wins and as soon as I get to my starting point I quit instead of pushing myself an extra mile or two. How can I do this run I ask myself over and over. I then feed into it, your not fast enough to do it in 2 hours...yep that's my goal crazy I know. Maybe I am setting myself up for failure. I do enjoy running I love that time to myself and the fresh air. I just truly deep down want that feeling of accomplishment. The feeling of I really did this. So why do I let my mind take away this dream if that's what you want to call it? You know I look back at my life and what have I accomplished? I was a handful for my Mom growing up. Typical teen I'm sure Moms are always wrong they know nothing. Man I'm learning that now with having two in my house. I look back and all I want to do is hug my Mom and tell her I'm sorry for the way I was and she was always right. Moms really do know what's best. Anyways I've gotten a bit side tracked. So what have I accomplished in my life...in high school all I wanted to do is be with my friends and have a good time. Who had time for sports not this girl. Man I would go back in a heart beat and do it all over again! I became a Mom at a young age and to be honest that was the best thing that ever happened to me. It slowed me way down which that's what I needed. I'm so thankful my Mom was so understanding and right by my side. I know I sure found out who my TRUE friends were and they are still around to this day. You know GOD does have a plan for me. As I write this I'm reflecting back on my later teen years. God blessed me with Logan and shortly after God had Sean and my path cross. He has been such a blessing in our lives. We have had our trials but we've leaned on each other and have gotten through them.
Wow I've really jumped around in this post. I guess I just understand why I doubt myself so much. I guess they do say a person is usually harder on themselves then anyone else. Well it's time to put those running shoes on and see what I can get accomplished tonight.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Doubts
Posted by Kath- at 4:49 PM
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4 comments:
Yes Honey you were a handful growing up, but along with that comes a handful of love, hugs, notes from you, rummage sales that we used to go to on Saturdays. So see there is also good handfuls. You have grown up to be a beautiful Mom, Wife and Daughter. I love you.
Kath I love this post. It's so nice to see you put your thoughts down and share them.
I have always been a friend. Heck, from the summer before you started school and I never believed you were in the same grade. You looked so young. :)
As far as your running goes, I have a thought. It's what I have done with biking and it works. Instead of running your route and coming back to your starting point, try running your route farther away from starting, so you are getting your extra miles in and then still have to run back. When we head out of town on our bikes, I push an extra mile sometimes 2 and then I still have to turn back and ride those miles again in order to get home.
You can do this. I know you can. I believe in you.
Val,
Thank you so much I know you have always been there no matter what. I so appreciate our friendship even though we both live busy lives. It doesnt matter if months go buy and we dont talk we pick up right where we left off. Funny you say that cause I have two routes I run and tonight I went a totally different way and pushed myself and ended up going 5 miles.
Mom,
I love you and thanksf or always being there for me no matter what! I am truly blessed to have you as a Mom!! Someday I hope my daughter will say the same thing!
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